On the way home I told Fred about what had happened.. He told me to talk to Roseanne and Occy.. Wonderful.. not only did I have to speak to them about it.. but I had to do it alone..

First I checked my facts.. Ruby pleaded ignorance.. she said she didn’t know it was happening.. Snowflake said yes that’s what was happening.. Boris was rubbing her private area..

I gotta tell ya that through this whole mess, there have been numerous moments where I didn’t know what to say and this was certainly one of them.. so I didn’t say anything.. just patted her head n kissed her forehead like we’re just having some casual conversation.. but make no mistake.. inside.. it was a whole different ballgame..

Lucky for me, the next day only Occy was home.. even though I wasn’t real keen on telling him, it was far easier than Roseanne.. Occy was shocked and promised me that he would deal with it and it would never happen again.. So I confidently went home and told Fred and Snowflake that all was well and it wouldn’t happen again.. Looking back.. I can see everything.. But at the time.. blind as a bat..

Anyway.. to condense the story a little.. what I thought was a one off thing.. turned out to have been a 4 year thing.. Snowflake was 6 when it started and 10 when it finished..

We didn’t find out any of this until much later when Barney and I first moved in together.. We’d moved to Collie, and Snowflake had come to stay for the long weekend.. Except, she’d packed all the stuff she wanted to keep.. she’d already decided it was going to be a one way trip.. she just hadn’t told anyone else yet.. Snowflake staying wasn’t a problem and she started year 6 in Collie. Her teacher that year was awesome.. Mr. Cool made an incredible difference to Snowflake.. she thrived in his class.. Snowflake enjoyed school for the first time.. and the comments and grades on her report reflected that..

When we moved house, Snowflake was happy to take the bus so she could stay at the same school.. she was doing so well that there seemed no need to move her.. And by this time some of Snowflake’s stuff had arrived so she was more settled.. Then everything changed.. I don’t even remember what we were talking about but Ruby, Barney and I were having a conversation and something came up about Boris and Snowflake.. and Ruby said that Boris had tried to have sex with Snowflake.. Once again.. I froze.. This must be a dream.. it can’t really be happening.. I don’t want to hear.. How do I deal with this? What do I do?

All that and more was going through my head as I calmly walked up the hallway and into Snowflake’s room and gently woke her.. I asked her if Boris had tried to have sex with her and she said not once but twice.. Then I patted her head and kissed her forehead and told her it was all ok and she went back to sleep..

I walked to my room and sat on the end of the bed in shock.. How had this happened? When had this happened? Why didn’t I know? My head was spinning n such a lot of different emotions were filling me..

Fear, my worst fear had become a reality.. one of my girls had been sexually abused.. It was real and it was in my face and I didn’t know how to deal with it but it wasn’t leaving me any options..

Anger, how dare he.. she was just a little girl.. how could he do that to her? I wanted to rip him apart with my bare hands.. I wanted to wipe him off the planet..

All I said to Barney and Ruby was.. Snowflake said he tried not once but twice.. then I choked.. The tears I cried were plentiful.. I think that this would easily have to be the thing I have shed the most tears over in my lifetime..

The following day we went to find help. We met Sparkles.. She was unique and the girls both adored her.. she became a very positive role model for them.. they still talk about how cool she was.. At first only Snowflake was organized to see Sparkles but later Ruby went as well.. Our first priority was getting help for Snowflake..

Having done that, I thought it best to inform Snowflake’s teacher in case she became upset at school.. What I thought was an innocent act to make sure Snowflake was ok, put us on the rollercoaster to hell.. There’s a chain of events that I was ignorant of at that point.. 

I told her teacher she was receiving counselling and why.. He then tells me that he is obligated to tell the principal.. Who in turn is obligated to inform Welfare.. Who are obligated to inform the police.. Then before you know it, we’re all making statements and it becomes ‘normal’ for the police or welfare to call anywhere between 2 – 6 times a day each.. 

Snowflake became very withdrawn. She used to sit in the armchair and hide under her blanket, watching the door.. the nightmares were constant.. they all involved Boris coming to get her and to use her own words “do bad things to her”

Snowflake was one very frightened little girl..

Our house wasn’t a fun place to be.. I was doing my own version of flipping out and everything changed the day I finally did.. Barney and I were arguing. We seemed to be doing it more and more. This day it had something to do with material stuff because I smashed my eight hundred dollar dinner set to prove a point..

Anyway, that went from bad to worse and we were supposed to take the kids out so I jumped in the 4wd to go but Barney and I even had to argue about that and he took the kids out.. So when I went looking for the keys to the other car and couldn’t find them.. this is about where I lost the plot for a bit.. I’d never felt so trapped and helpless.. I totally freaked out.. then I got angry and smashed the windscreen on the car with an axe..

That was the turning point for a lot of things..

For Barney it was when he wanted out of the relationship but couldn’t tell me coz I’d just frightened the crap out of him by axing his car.. it was all too much.. this was out of control..

We thought if we moved so no-one knew where we lived that it might help so we applied for emergency housing.. We also thought that it looked like a quiet street.. So we took what was offered because we didn’t have any option..

The first week showed us that we weren’t in Kansas anymore..

In a street of nine houses there were only two without someone on speed.. The people 2 doors up were dealing and we also discovered that the guy across the road from us was a known pedophile..

So instead of things getting better, they got worse..

When we showed concern about the fella across the road we were told it was ok because he was moving in two weeks so he wouldn’t be a problem.. My personal thoughts were that we shouldn’t have been placed there at all.. but there weren’t any options available at the time so we just had to make the best of a bad situation..

Barney was talking about visiting his parents and his daughter back in Geraldton.. He said he was missing them a lot.. which was understandable and I encouraged him to take some time out and go see them.. the kids were in school and they’d be fine with me until he returned.. That didn’t happen.. but what did was more final than that..

On a Thursday night, Barney was getting text messages on his phone.. things like “is there anything that your girlfriend is doing that I could do better?” We both thought it was one of his brothers and were having a good laugh.. That changed on Friday morning.. I didn’t know that Barney was still getting text messages.. I went out the back to chop wood and Barney went to have coffee with one of the neighbours..

When Barney returned, I was still out the back.. he was very quiet so I asked him what was wrong to which I got the standard ‘nothing’ reply.. So out came the crowbar to pry more information out.. Eventually we got to the part where he wanted to go see his family.. I still didn’t have a problem with this so I couldn’t see what the big deal was.. Then we got to the part where he told me that he didn’t want to just visit them.. he wanted to go live there.. without me.. It was one of the hardest and weirdest weekends.. While Barney had told me he wanted to leave, he wasn’t packing anything.. He kept swinging between smiling at me and being nice, and snapping at me.. So on Sunday night I told him that it was weirding me out enough that it must be even more confusing for the kids.. a decision had to be made..

Monday morning the kids went off to school as normal and I went home to try and talk to Barney.. It didn’t go well.. We argued and things escalated to the point where I slapped him across the face.. so I took off to calm down.. I wanted to message Barney and say sorry but my friend told me to give it some time.. By the time I did message him, he was on his way out of town and turned his phone off because he didn’t want to speak to me.. So then it was just Ruby, Snowflake and me.. Barney did return for his car and his belongings.. we talked a bit and we agreed we both wanted to try to work things out.. or at least that’s what I thought at the time.. Later Barney told me that he only said that so I’d give him his car.. When I found out later that it was all a lie, I was incredibly hurt and that was about when I hit rock bottom.. I wallowed in self pity and self loathing for a while.. but Ruby was doing dexamphetamine by then and was very troublesome.. I couldn’t pin her taking them but I knew something was going on..

I had to pull myself back up or my kids were going to go down too..

Out of all the people I met, one lady stands out from everyone.. Angel changed my life and helped me get back on track.. yet, all she did was be a true friend.. It was kind of funky really.. If ever I was feeling lost or out of sorts, I’d always end up talking to her and even if I didn’t tell her what was going on, something in the conversation would always touch on what was bothering me.. and as a result, I’d always leave there feeling better and much more positive.. I took a twelve week spiritual guidance course with Angel’s sister and it was all going well until they put me in the healing circle.. Then I fell apart for two weeks afterwards.. it threw me right out of whack.. or right into it.. either way, I missed two classes before I returned and finished the course..

Our neighbourhood was getting scarier and I was seriously wanting out.. The speed freaks on one side were going off at the dealers on the other side of us..

Melbourne Cup Day 2002 made my decision final.. I’d been asked to go place a bet on a horse at the local TAB and we’d only just pulled into the car park when we were mobbed.. I wasn’t touched but the driver got a smack in the head and they were trying to pull the young guy out of the back of the car so they could flog him but we took off.. That was the last straw for me and the girls and I spent two nights at a friend’s house before we caught the train to my sister’s house in Perth..

I never went back to Collie but my sister Gertrude, her husband Sebastian, and Ruby went back to pack our stuff and pick it up and we unloaded it all into Gertrude and Sebastian’s carport..

I’m not exactly sure how long Ruby had been taking dexamphetamine, but the move effectively stopped it..

We spent a few weeks at Gertrude and Sebastian’s while we tried to find a house.. They have five children of their own and my mother lives with them too so it was already a full house.. It didn’t last too long after an argument with Mum one afternoon.. The girls and I were on a bus the next morning heading for Geraldton..

(Sorry, just a side-note here.. but I was actually having a giggle about how I simplified that into two sentences.. it was a humdinger of an argument.. one of those ‘family issue’ ones where I walked out and didn’t return for about 7 hours (which is how long it took for me to find a solution) and then announced we were leaving first thing in the morning and then didn’t speak to Mum for a year.)

The only reason we were able to leave was due to my best friend, CG.. She’d loaned me the money for our tickets and she gave us a place to stay.. we were there for 4 months.. during which time we had all the trial stuff from Snowflake and Boris.. CG was so wonderfully supportive when we needed her most and I will always be forever grateful for all that she’s done for us.. We tried to be quiet and un-intrusive house guests..

The girls were doing sessions at the court house preparing them for what happens at a trial.. They were to testify via video link up because both girls felt intimidated and didn’t want to be in the same room as Boris.. Everything seemed organized and set to go.. the girls knew what to expect.. who sat where.. who asked questions.. when to speak.. when not to speak.. They were still intimidated by the whole process but they knew that even though it was all a big deal, it would all be ok as long as they told the truth..

The week before trial another bombshell gets dropped..

Grouchy rings up to find out if we’re home because Gumdrop had something to tell us.. When they arrive, Gumdrop says that both she and Ruby have had an ‘experience’ with Boris.. All I could think was.. Please.. no more.. we can’t go through this again.. please let me wake up now..

Unfortunately I was awake and it was really happening..

The only thing I asked Ruby was if it was true and she said yes so we immediately went to the police station where the 2 girls made statements..

The whole thing was now bigger than Ben Hur and I was so rattled that I could only guess how the girls were dealing with everything. The trial was to last 3 days. On the first day Snowflake and Ruby both testified. Even though it was done by video link-up, Boris kept moving around to make sure the girls could see him. The judge did tell him off for it but he still kept doing it..

In the end it was decided that there was no doubt that Boris had done what Snowflake said he did but there was not enough evidence to support it (we didn’t have dates and times). Boris walked away with a nine month good behaviour bond for indecent dealings with a child under 13. There were conditions set that he was to stay away from Snowflake but that was changed without our knowledge. No-one seems to know when or why.. Ruby and Snowflake used to catch the bus to school and they would sometimes stop at the local supermarket for fruit. Quite often Boris would be there and he would deliberately stand behind Snowflake in the queue and glare at her. Boris has always been at least twice the size of Snowflake. He really frightens her.

Throughout this whole experience it seems that they can do and say whatever they like and we just have to deal with it.

The other 2 girls didn’t go to court.. it was decided that it was all too long ago and because they were Boris’s victims before Snowflake he was too young to know what he was doing was wrong. Personally I feel that’s a load of gobbledygook. Sure as eggs at the age of 10 that kid knew what he was doing because if he didn’t, then why was he hiding it so well??

2 years later and Snowflake still has nightmares quite often. Only a couple of weeks ago I took her to see a friend who gave her some drops to try because the nightmares were so bad.. I am happy to report that they seem to be helping.

During the past couple of years Barney and I sorted ourselves out and are now happily married and can communicate much more effectively. I don’t spaz out like I used to. I have a much better grip on my temper and emotions.. But I do have to admit that I’m very tired. I’ve been on blood pressure tablets for almost a year now and I’ve gone from weighing in at 80 – 90kgs to 47kg since I first went on them.. a total lifestyle change.. Barney and I scrimped and saved and purchased an unlicensed bus that we’ve been steadily working on. Originally it was for later on once the kids had grown up and moved on but that’s now changed.

The girls understandably are still quite messed up.. They have a lot of fear in their lives..

This has only been about one part of their lives but there’s been so much more both before and after.. Snowflake’s grandfather interfered with her after the whole trial thing and I had a call from the police on Xmas Eve to tell me they weren’t pursuing it because they’d decided that maybe Snowflake was oversensitive due to her previous experiences.

How they worked that out is beyond me because he was tickling her both on the outside and underneath her clothes, touching her privates.. but that’s all that happened.. I am angry.. but only because it seems like its ok for us all to be used and abused and the people doing it walk away like nothing happened..

But more than that.. we hurt.. Our lives have been torn apart and turned inside out and we’re doing the best we can to put all the pieces back together..

Then we got the neighbours from hell.. They moved in November 2004 and they were finally evicted and moved out last month (August 2005). Most of our street had been house bound for months because every time we were outside we’d be abused. Things got so bad that our kids couldn’t play outside. They couldn’t even walk past to go to the shop or to catch the school bus.

Yet, with all that going on these girls have been amazing..

Ruby has done a complete turn around over the past 18 months and has gone from a troubled child to being very active with youth issues and is turning into a fine young lady.. she now has a very impressive resume for a 17 year old with numerous awards and certificates for her dedication and she’s about to do her second newspaper article..

Snowflake has set aside her own problems to help her friends with theirs.. she’s tried really hard with school and at almost 14 she’s shaping up pretty well too.. all things considered..

Which brings us back to our bus.. Next year we’re taking it around Australia.

We’re going way outside our comfort zone in an attempt to help not only the girls but Barney and myself too..  we’re calling it our healing trip.. I believe that by throwing ourselves in at the deep end, we’ll come out the other side much stronger and confident. I really feel we need to do this for Ruby and Snowflake or they’ll forever have hang-ups they don’t deserve.. and this will hopefully be the finishing touch in preparing them for what’s next.. We’re trying our best to minimize the damage that’s been done and give them the best start for their adult lives..

When I first started this it was with the intent of asking for help.. I was desperate and didn’t think we could do it on our own.. It’s taken me 3 months to write this.. time hasn’t been a luxury I’ve had much of.. but it’s also been very difficult to do this.. a gut wrenching experience.. I’ve bared my soul and feel very vulnerable because I know there are people out there that will see this as an excuse for a free ride.. This is not a free ride.. we’ve already paid a pretty hefty price and we’re just trying to do the best we can with what we have.. we have no intention of this being a vacation.. We fully intend to work.. and we’ll work hard so we can achieve what we’re chasing.. Snowflake will continue with her schooling despite not being in a classroom.. I’m currently doing a Horticulture course that I’m finding really interesting and it’s given me a direction I’d like to take..

This trip has become so many different things.. I plan on using the opportunity to absorb as much knowledge as possible and when we return I’ll put it into practice and hopefully end up having a successful market garden and produce quality vegetables at an affordable price..

So after reading this story of a small segment from our lives if you feel you wish to help us then you can email us at ourhealingtrip@zoomshare.com or ourhealingtrip@hotmail.com  

Even letters of support are very much appreciated as it shows the girls that even though they’ve had some unfortunate experiences there are still nice people out there that sympathise with them and wish them well..

If you have work available when we’re in your area, we’d be very grateful for the opportunity…

If you’d like to make a donation to ‘The Bus Fund’

• Bank: National Australia Bank
• BSB: 085-933
• A/c Name: Vicky Gilchrist
• A/c Number: 682430613

One thing I do ask is that if you have a negative comment, please refrain from sending it.. in all honesty we’ve been through enough and we don’t need that kind of feedback.. the trick to getting through all this is focusing on the positives..

I know this has been a lot to read and I sincerely thank you for taking the time..

Vicky..